sebenernya sih idenya udah sejak hari jumat, when i was in the library. I was reading Reader's Digest to kill the time, and I accidentally saw one of the featured article on the cover page: How to write your own memoir. I didn't really particularly intend to read the article, but as I went through the 'magazine' (I'm not sure as how to categorize Reader's Digest as. A magazine?), I found the article and I just read it.
artikelnya sendiri cukup menarik, it explained the benefits of writing a memoir, some do's and don'ts, some insights, trus ada contoh2 memoirnya juga lagi. As I read it, i thought, Hey, why not? I could make my own memoir someday. Secara gw bisa nulis blog, kenapa ngga memoir? kan mirip2 gitu, although I admit that writing a memoir is much time-consuming and complicated.
Sayangnya, pemikiran tadi cuma asal lewat doang, gw ngga bener2 serius mo bikin memoir pada saat itu.
Until last night. Suddenly i thought, a memoir might just be a perfect idea.
i wanna make a memoir of him. A love memoir, dan lwt memoir itu gw pgn me-recall semua memori2 yg gw alamin selama dua tahun terakhir ini. in particular, with passwordguy. gw ngga plan untuk nulis a masterpiece memoir, megah dan epic ala The Godfather gitu sih (and The Godfather is not even a memoir; although it is an epic).
just a simple, short one, yg penting isinya cukup untuk merepresent semua kenangan tsb. and i didn't plan on publishing this writing, either. jadi emang cuma buat personal keepsake doang.
so much to write, so little time i got. gw bener2 mau tulis SEMUANYA yg bisa gw inget ttg pak tungka, and i have to finish just before graduation day. so i have to start right now.
why do i want to finish it before the grad day? coz i want him to read it.
why do i want him to read it? i dunno. maybe i just simply want him to know my side of the story?
and to be honest, I'm too naive. I'm too afraid to admit that the reason I want him to read this is actually to win his heart eventually, or something like that. I mean, ngga ada kan orang di dunia ini mau2nya nulis cerita ttg seseorang kalo bukan karena ada perasaan apa2nya di balik itu semua? gw yakin banget, there is a part of me that wants him to love me back by writing this thing and showing it to him.
Well, I don't think it will work to win him back, honestly. it's far too easy for him to change his mind. In the end, this is what I dared to say on the motivation of making this memoir:
This memory about him is too precious, and too difficult, to forget. And I don't want to, either. So let me save this memory into something that I actually can read everyday.
Intinya, tujuan gw bikin memoir ini cuma untuk membantu gw terus mengingat passwordguy.
coz i don't want to have this love as another waste, the same like any other love that I felt before I met him. this love is just too special to be wasted away, and it's not like those feelings i've felt for other guys before him. so I know when I have to treasure this: NOW.
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