goodbye....? (Part 2)

i'm trying to gather myself together as i write this post.

ok, jadi ternyata passwordguy's got a girlfriend. *inhale, exhale*

how can i find this out?

kemaren gw, well, kinda talked with him and suddenly he brought up the Twilight talk. dy cerita ama gw, kalo twilight itu filmnya boring abis...horrible movie...heran banget knapa banyak yg suka nonton film itu?? 

and i said, yah maybe coz it's so romantic....between edward and bella thing. it's a typical girl movie, a girl must have liked it, maybe...

and he said, well, i watched it with a female, and she said it's boring.

a female??

a friend happened to be there, listening, and she asked him: whoa, like, do you have a girlfriend?

he was quiet for a few seconds, and he replied, no... she was just my relative...

then we said byebye (coz i had to go home) and this was what my friend said to me:

'gret...seems that he DOES have a girlfriend...from the way he paused when i asked whether or not he has a girlfriend.'

and that struck me in the heart...she could be right! emang aneh kan kalo buat jawab bhw that female is his relatives mesti pake jeda dulu bbrp detik, as if he was trying to cover up the fact that he has a girlfriend...(gosh, even it feels just so surreal to type the sentence he has a girlfriend..) besides, kenapa dy refer si cewek as 'the female'? kan lebih enak kalo ngomongnya, 'i watched it with my niece/cousin/sister/mother/whoever'??? therefore, that particular female must be very special.

and it immediately brought pain in my heart. real pain. real pain. REAL PAIN..

i still cannot believe it. when i thought i could be wrong, here came Day 2:

i overheard passwordguy talking to his friend. they were talking about twilight. the friend seemed excited about twilight, and passwordguy just listened...and listened... commented a little, then laughed....and then:

PG: iya, bahkan sampe bbrp minggu film itu keluar, filmnya masih rame aja tuh...

Friend: *she said something that i couldn't remember* bla bla bla....tapi lu ntnnya yg pas tgl 20 (des), trus bareng cewek kan??

PG: *laughed* tau dari mana, ah...(sok nyangkal)

Friend: loh, you told me, remember... 'i'm going to watch it with that person on the 20th'... hayooo...

yup, confirmed. 

even he told that friend that he's on a date.... that piece of information, my friend, COULDN'T POSSIBLY be a lie...

how do i feel right now? i feel so so so so so so STUPID. bagaimana gw bisa fall under his spell, swooning over him, dan PERCAYA AJA of his sweet talk thing... even just to remember those sweet brags he gave me all this time makes me shiver.... merinding karena rasa guilty gw dan kebegoan gw di hadapan dia!! i'm so foolish...i feel hurt, i feel that i was given hope and it turned out to be a false hope.

therefore, today, January 14th, i have decided to give him up. i don't wanna put my hopes up anymore, since he's owned by someone else, there's no room for me. 

no more hopes for passwordguy. no more..... just no more.

there. i have let my love go. (gather urself up!!!) 

ironisnya, ini semua terjadi bulan januari. selaluuuuu aja kesialan dalam idup gw belakangan ini terjadi di bln2 januari-februari. kenapaaaaaaaaaaa? mana udah mau deket valentine, koko gw mo married gitu pas hari valentine dan gw harus finish wedding videonya (yg notabene penuh dengan foto2 romantis dan touching love songs!!) trus tadi gw juga baru ditawarin kaos2 couple menjelang v's day.....hhhhhhhhhhhh rasanya makin sakit hati aja gilaaaaaaa.... 

especially related to my bro's wedding, gw keep imagining kalo2 passwordguy kyk bro gw...soon to be married...marrying his girlfriend and stuff....

now, gw udah ngga ada beban apa2 lagi. no more lies. lagian gw juga capek harus brbohong sama temen2 gw soal siapa passwordguy itu sebenernya.

yeah, passwordguy's name is not Jacob, just like what i insisted. passwordguy is someone you know very well, SPH students.

if you paid attention closely to the story above, you must have known who he is.

well just in case masih belum bisa figure out (alias telmi, mungkin? :p) passwordguy is...

MY OWN MATH STUDIES AND PHYSICS TEACHER, MR. JOHN TUNGKA.

there. it's the real truth.

so, as a closing,

good luck on your relationship, i pray all the best for you both.

i'm sorry for all the misunderstandings i've resulted.

for the last time, 

it's good to know you and i love you.

goodbye.